I am a busy person.
I hang out with my 3 kids under 6 years old. I am flat out with 14 loads of laundry a week, plus endless cooking, cleaning, picking up small plastic objects, fixing cuts and brusies, bathing kids, arbitrating, comforting, and inventing games. We pull off great feats of daring together: new garden beds, Ikea furniture, cakes, elaborate cubbyhouses, guests and parties, and we are bravely learning to ride bikes (mee tooo!), as well as growing & harvesting a nice edible garden and picking wild foods down the creek. Expeditions too. We don't flinch to take the kids overseas when the opportunity arises - since DS1 was born, we've gone with kids to North America three times, Hong Kong, Europe via Bangkok, plus dozens of domestic trips.Three kids to Europe was gutsy but extremely fun.
I also work, and love my work. It's only 20 hours a week at the moment (haha! only!), but when I had 2 kids and was pregnant with the third, I was working a 4/5 equivalent load in 3 days. A month before #3 was born, I was project engineering stuff. Including the commute, a 12 hour day in the office becomes a 15 hour day away from the kids. And then I often find myself finishing a technical document at home at 11PM and on the weekend.
And I love to knit, weave, spin, dye, sew, quilt. I need to make the kids new quilts this winter. I aim to knit 10km a year, spin 3kg - and for the last 3 years I've busted those goals by October. My kids are always dressed in handmade clothes, and my friends' new babies usually get handknit gifts.
People whinge to me: "It's not fair. How do you do so much? I never have time and I only have (3-n) kids."
So here is a list of things I don't do, in order to get the above things done.
1) I don't go to the supermarket. Ever, if I can help it. My husband bakes. We get vegies delivered, meat comes in bulk and gets frozen, and as for the rest, I pick it up whatever I can wherever I am (eg. toilet paper was selling for a good price at the Korean grocer last week. So as I walked past from the station, I picked up 36 rolls of white gold, and a 25kg bag of rice, and loaded them into the pram and made the 1 yr old walk the last 500m back to the car.)
2) I don't keep track of fashion. I don't know what colour is hot this season, whether tiger print leggings are still cool, or how high my heels should be. I stick to classic cuts of clothes and make a feature of being a little bit retro, and I wear the colours and shoes that I like. Always neat and elegant, though. I don't usually shop for clothes either - I have a collection of female relatives (mum, MIL, grandmother, aunt, SIL) who have great taste in clothes and I love wearing their cast-offs.
3) I don't preen much. My nails are short and never painted. (Nails would get in the way!) I wear little makeup (except at work) and typically only put lippie on in the carpark when I've arrived right before I hop out. I get a haircut every 6 to 8 months, and I choose a cut that will look just fine straight out of the shower. I have hairy legs for 6 months of the year and just wear long pants or dark stockings. My husband loves me anyway.
4) I don't go hungry and I don't eat crap food. If I want to change my shape, I do it with exercise not starvation. As for donuts or chips: a sugar flat or indigestion can ruin the rest of an afternoon's activities, they're just not worth it. I don't have much processed food in the house (cos I never go to the supermarket) and I don't choose it when I eat out. We fly with a couple of bags of raw carrots (the first time they were confiscated at San Francisco Airport quarantine I was highly indignant!) and before a long trip I pack a snack box of something like leftover pasta, cucumber salad, cheese slices, a couple of sandwiches and a banana.
5) I don't consider housework to be my job. I have a cleaner once a fortnight - a privilege of a professional career. If the house gets really feral, I set up miniature cleaning competitions to share the load: we race to see if Dad can vacuum the lounge room faster than the boys can put all their clothes away in drawers or Mum can pick up all the puzzle pieces. We clean up for guests, but mostly we keep a habit of putting 5 things away every time we go past somewhere (even the 3 year old!) and this manages the clutter. Broken objects get fixed or chucked out. I am hard-nosed about not keeping things "just in case": that's what op shops are for!And because I avoid shopping, we don't have the usual trail of small plastic toy bits associated with three kids under 6.
6) I don't watch TV. Or if I do, it's no more than one episode a night, and I knit or work at the same time, and DH marks papers and we're not really watching. I don't bother downloading - I never get to it. I have no idea where any sitcom is up to, and I don't get a twinge if i miss out on the latest sci-fi masterpiece at the cinema. It will be on sale at JB Hi-Fi sometime next year and I can buy it and watch it in instalments.We have an analog TV and are considering not upgrading.
7) I don't waste an opportunity. If I hear about a book I really want to read, I reserve the talking-book from the library and listen to it up and back to work instead of music or talkback. If we can organise leave and flight bookings, we all travel with my husband on a work trip. If it's raining and we want to go walking and won't have a chance for weeks, we put raincoats on and go anyway.
8) I don't have coffee with friends very much. My kids don't do babycinos - they can't sit still for very long - so I don't try. We invite friends on a train ride, or to join us at the beach, or to come over for an afternoon of painting and playdoh. I would love to go for coffee but our lives are too full and too fun.
9) I don't kid myself about what is needed to be good at something. Ten thousand hours. If I am serious about it, I find a way to throw time at it (like knitting). If I can't give it time anymore, I don't expect to be that good (like rockclimbing). Same with the kids. Either they do regular guitar practice, or they can skip the lessons.
10) I don't punish myself. If things don't work out, I don't get caught feeling like a failure. I re-frame my thoughts - what worked well, or what was I really in my heart of hearts trying to do, or how can I learn from this and do better next time? Most things will have another opportunity coming around again. When things do work out, i let myself be totally stoked.
I hang out with my 3 kids under 6 years old. I am flat out with 14 loads of laundry a week, plus endless cooking, cleaning, picking up small plastic objects, fixing cuts and brusies, bathing kids, arbitrating, comforting, and inventing games. We pull off great feats of daring together: new garden beds, Ikea furniture, cakes, elaborate cubbyhouses, guests and parties, and we are bravely learning to ride bikes (mee tooo!), as well as growing & harvesting a nice edible garden and picking wild foods down the creek. Expeditions too. We don't flinch to take the kids overseas when the opportunity arises - since DS1 was born, we've gone with kids to North America three times, Hong Kong, Europe via Bangkok, plus dozens of domestic trips.Three kids to Europe was gutsy but extremely fun.
I also work, and love my work. It's only 20 hours a week at the moment (haha! only!), but when I had 2 kids and was pregnant with the third, I was working a 4/5 equivalent load in 3 days. A month before #3 was born, I was project engineering stuff. Including the commute, a 12 hour day in the office becomes a 15 hour day away from the kids. And then I often find myself finishing a technical document at home at 11PM and on the weekend.
And I love to knit, weave, spin, dye, sew, quilt. I need to make the kids new quilts this winter. I aim to knit 10km a year, spin 3kg - and for the last 3 years I've busted those goals by October. My kids are always dressed in handmade clothes, and my friends' new babies usually get handknit gifts.
People whinge to me: "It's not fair. How do you do so much? I never have time and I only have (3-n) kids."
So here is a list of things I don't do, in order to get the above things done.
1) I don't go to the supermarket. Ever, if I can help it. My husband bakes. We get vegies delivered, meat comes in bulk and gets frozen, and as for the rest, I pick it up whatever I can wherever I am (eg. toilet paper was selling for a good price at the Korean grocer last week. So as I walked past from the station, I picked up 36 rolls of white gold, and a 25kg bag of rice, and loaded them into the pram and made the 1 yr old walk the last 500m back to the car.)
2) I don't keep track of fashion. I don't know what colour is hot this season, whether tiger print leggings are still cool, or how high my heels should be. I stick to classic cuts of clothes and make a feature of being a little bit retro, and I wear the colours and shoes that I like. Always neat and elegant, though. I don't usually shop for clothes either - I have a collection of female relatives (mum, MIL, grandmother, aunt, SIL) who have great taste in clothes and I love wearing their cast-offs.
3) I don't preen much. My nails are short and never painted. (Nails would get in the way!) I wear little makeup (except at work) and typically only put lippie on in the carpark when I've arrived right before I hop out. I get a haircut every 6 to 8 months, and I choose a cut that will look just fine straight out of the shower. I have hairy legs for 6 months of the year and just wear long pants or dark stockings. My husband loves me anyway.
4) I don't go hungry and I don't eat crap food. If I want to change my shape, I do it with exercise not starvation. As for donuts or chips: a sugar flat or indigestion can ruin the rest of an afternoon's activities, they're just not worth it. I don't have much processed food in the house (cos I never go to the supermarket) and I don't choose it when I eat out. We fly with a couple of bags of raw carrots (the first time they were confiscated at San Francisco Airport quarantine I was highly indignant!) and before a long trip I pack a snack box of something like leftover pasta, cucumber salad, cheese slices, a couple of sandwiches and a banana.
5) I don't consider housework to be my job. I have a cleaner once a fortnight - a privilege of a professional career. If the house gets really feral, I set up miniature cleaning competitions to share the load: we race to see if Dad can vacuum the lounge room faster than the boys can put all their clothes away in drawers or Mum can pick up all the puzzle pieces. We clean up for guests, but mostly we keep a habit of putting 5 things away every time we go past somewhere (even the 3 year old!) and this manages the clutter. Broken objects get fixed or chucked out. I am hard-nosed about not keeping things "just in case": that's what op shops are for!And because I avoid shopping, we don't have the usual trail of small plastic toy bits associated with three kids under 6.
6) I don't watch TV. Or if I do, it's no more than one episode a night, and I knit or work at the same time, and DH marks papers and we're not really watching. I don't bother downloading - I never get to it. I have no idea where any sitcom is up to, and I don't get a twinge if i miss out on the latest sci-fi masterpiece at the cinema. It will be on sale at JB Hi-Fi sometime next year and I can buy it and watch it in instalments.We have an analog TV and are considering not upgrading.
7) I don't waste an opportunity. If I hear about a book I really want to read, I reserve the talking-book from the library and listen to it up and back to work instead of music or talkback. If we can organise leave and flight bookings, we all travel with my husband on a work trip. If it's raining and we want to go walking and won't have a chance for weeks, we put raincoats on and go anyway.
8) I don't have coffee with friends very much. My kids don't do babycinos - they can't sit still for very long - so I don't try. We invite friends on a train ride, or to join us at the beach, or to come over for an afternoon of painting and playdoh. I would love to go for coffee but our lives are too full and too fun.
9) I don't kid myself about what is needed to be good at something. Ten thousand hours. If I am serious about it, I find a way to throw time at it (like knitting). If I can't give it time anymore, I don't expect to be that good (like rockclimbing). Same with the kids. Either they do regular guitar practice, or they can skip the lessons.
10) I don't punish myself. If things don't work out, I don't get caught feeling like a failure. I re-frame my thoughts - what worked well, or what was I really in my heart of hearts trying to do, or how can I learn from this and do better next time? Most things will have another opportunity coming around again. When things do work out, i let myself be totally stoked.
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